


Joking Around

by h2j0404



Category: Super Junior
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-23
Updated: 2013-03-23
Packaged: 2017-12-06 05:00:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/731701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/h2j0404/pseuds/h2j0404
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Still joking around scared to go home I don't know how I'll cope</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Joking Around

**Author's Note:**

> A song fic based on Show Luo's Joking Around

Donghae woke up to the rays of sun that went through the light crimson curtains at the west part of his living room. Slowly he opened his eyes and an instant mess exposed before him gradually as he tried to focus his blurry vision and erase his sleepiness away.

_That toothpaste is foolishly laughing at me_

_Mocking me because I'll never be able to use it up_

_I sleep whenever I want_

_I fuss around whenever I want_

_I'm really happy there's one less person nagging_

Information slowly crept inside his dizzy mind as he roamed his eyes around the living room. Bottles of Jack Daniel’s were all over the floor and the sofas. Even he got the vision of the bottles being laid on his drawer console. He groaned deeply as he got two girls laid shamelessly on his sofabed placed not far away from where he was sit, unconscious. A good example of the result of a big party of the drunkards.

Donghae didn’t notice someone was heading towards him from behind until he felt a squeeze on his shoulder,

“Thanks for the party, dude.”

The shirtless guy then headed to the direction of the sleeping girls.

“Wake up, party is over,” he tapped them and proceeded to the front door of Donghae’s house and left.

Donghae got up with another deep groan from the sofa he occupied and headed to his room for bathroom.

_I'm joking around, using surrounding noise and excitement as an excuse, to conceal my heartbeat_

_Crying while laughing; I must tell myself: Being alone is great_

Donghae faced the mirror and turned his direction to his bare chest when realizing that his chest was all over written with so many dirty words and unexciting doodles. He didn’t realized when they were there on his chest, maybe those uninvited people left those taints when he was completely unconscious.

He sighed deeply when he learned that it won’t be an easy job for him to clean them. The scratches were drawn with the help of nail polish.

Once the crowd breaks up I suddenly feel like I could die

As he took a bath to clean himself up, the occurrence that mainly had been the founder of the mess was slowly resurfaced in his mind.

_I can’t take it_

\---

Donghae used to be a guy who lived his normal life as a college student like everyone else. He was quite popular and many girls were after him. He went to parties, drank to celebrate, and hung out in a normal amount of times just like how the circle of his friends did. He lived alone in a big house, nearly considered a mansion his parents had left for him.

His parents themselves leave in a separated house. Donghae’s mom had married another man after his father’s death and lived at the man’s house. Donghae used to hate his loneliness in the big house and blamed his mom and her new husband for it. But not again after knowing how great freedom was for him. He often invited his close friends to sleepover and every friends gathering would always be held in his house, because there wouldn’t be any parents that available to nag them about anything.

But things began to drastically change when his mom decided to let a guy he never knew to stay at the house. The guy named Lee Hyukjae, the son of her mother’s best friend in high school.

It started with the fact that this Lee Hyukjae came to Seoul for college. And the conversations between moms happened and instantly Donghae received a call regarding this.

At first Donghae thought the guy’s presence would be a burden. But then he thought again that maybe became friends with the guy would bring up some advantages for him.

Then came the day of Hyukjae’s arrival. Donghae’s first impression for him was quite good. He never been rude to someone new, so he greeted him and the guy greeted him back politely. That day was the first time they met and Donghae precisely remembered how he looked like. Hyukjae was blonde, he was undeniably skinny and clad in grey sweatshirt and jeans. He looked really simple in the same time very shy. He wouldn’t look at Donghae directly in the eye when it wasn’t necessary instead he stared at the floor when they weren’t having a conversation.

Hyukjae’s first word after the greeting was thanking Donghae for letting him stay. Donghae found him to be a very polite guy, a typical guy next door.

Day by day, week by week, their relationship had gotten really good. They would ask how was each other’s day in the evening and would sometimes watch movies together from the DVDs they bought. They’ll cook for each other at night when all the maids were asleep and helped each other just like that.

After months, Donghae realized that something was wrong within himself. He began to have weird feelings when he was around Hyukjae, a feeling he used to feel for some girls in his past. Something people would call, attraction. He was feeling appealed of Hyukjae.

He began to find the other really beautiful. He began to miss his gummy smile when Hyukjae was upset about something—mainly problems happened with people on his college class, and he always tried to bring that smile back to his face.

It would be just normal for him, if it didn’t occur practically every time. And if it didn’t turn any worse than attraction.

Donghae began to have the urge to touch Hyukjae, anywhere he could think of touching whenever the blonde was around. And he realized, he never been a stupid and foolish kind of guy though, that his feelings had turned to desire.

And it scared him a lot.

He talked to his best friend Kyuhyun regarding it. Donghae still remembered on what Kyuhyun told him that day,

“Maybe you’re gay, and you’re in love with him,”

Donghae never wanted to admit that he was gay so his mischievous younger friend told him to prove it by started to date girls. And Donghae did.

He began to keep his distance from Hyukjae and dated many girls, even slept with them.

But the alien feelings wouldn’t just go away from him. It turned even worse. The distance he made between Hyukjae and himself didn’t give a help, it’s just made him missed the blonde badly, made his desire got bigger and bigger and just wanted to explode and escape his self-control.

Donghae got frustrated and went to the bar every night, got drunk, and brought different girls home.

Hyukjae of course knew about this. He didn’t know what made Donghae turn to be like that and it made him frustrated as well.

And there came the time when he had enough.

It had been at least 2 months when Donghae started to bring girls home to slept with daily. Hyukjae had a night class that night and when he got home, he met the girl that night that was heading out of the house at the doorstep.

Hyukjae then found a messed, drunk Donghae in the living room.

The anger, irritation, and frustration just came out that time. He blurted everything to Donghae. Telling him how he hated the bitches that were coming everyday, reminding him how different he was from the old Donghae he knew.

“I know it’s not my right to determine who would come and stay and even sleep with you but could you just respect me a bit!?”

Donghae looked him with a sorrow look and unsteadily tried to stand and walk towards Hyukjae.

“I need sleep and I couldn’t get it every night thanks to you, that bitches and your stupid activi-“

Hyukjae was unable to continue when suddenly Donghae pinned him on the wall inhumanely and started to kiss him hard. The desire Donghae had suffered to keep just flowed freely in the kiss. All the feelings that he had trusted to be love, were poured in that breathtaking kiss.

But they’re all vanished when Hyukjae managed to push him quite hardly and because Donghae was in a drunk state, he couldn’t control his balance and lost it. He never knew what Hyukjae did after because not long after he was pushed on the floor, he lost his consciousness as well.

The next morning, Donghae found that Hyukjae had left. His mother told him that Hyukjae took a leave from the college for an amount of time because he needed to take care of his sick grandmother in the province.

And he never came back.

Donghae turned even more frustrated after Hyukjae’s leave. He didn’t attend any of his classes and stayed at the bar all day. Not to get any girl to prove his straightness anymore. But to get drunk that he believed could take away his burden, sorrow, and frustration.

Until the previous night he met a guy in the bar and in his drunk state Donghae told him everything. The guy then suggested him to throw a party and had fun. And he did.

\---

Donghae took a glimpse at the Polaroid photo attached at his desk when he was done taking bath. He then turned his attention at the photo, unattached it and brought it nearer to his vision.

_Still joking around scared to go home I don't know how I'll cope_

It was the photo Donghae successfully captured secretly when Hyukjae was cooking food for them at night. That time, everything was alright, their relationship as a friend was good and they’re happy with everything they did.

Hyukjae was so engrossed with his cooking and his expression in the Polaroid photo was very natural.

Very beautiful.

Donghae remembered when he got caught, Hyukjae got annoyed of Donghae’s action. He told him that he didn’t like to be photographed when he wasn’t ready. But Donghae told him that he looked really good at the photo.

Donghae also remembered how he reacted towards his words.

_So many years I've already gotten used to your coyish snuggles_

Hyukjae blushed madly. Something Donghae always loved about him. He looked really adorable when he blushed, the blush just added more beauty to his feature.

And Donghae missed that expression of Hyukjae’s a lot.

Donghae hated himself on why he had to keep his ego high back then when Hyukjae was still there with him. Just if he admitted that he was indeed in love with Hyukjae, he would be just fine with Hyukjae there, even if he didn’t have the same feeling he could bear. Hyukjae’s presence is all that he needed the most.

__

_I think I can cope but at least let me know_

Or maybe if he had some more courage to confess, he would probably be the happiest guy for having Hyukjae right now.

Donghae was too engrossed with his mind and he didn’t realize that someone was in front of his opened bedroom’s door.

“Hyung! What’s with this mess? Where did those guys and girls come from?” that was Kyuhyun.

Kyuhyun walked inside the room and as he walked closer he realized Donghae’s sorrow expression and the piece of paper he held.

“Hyung, are you alright?”

_Are you well?_


End file.
